Advice for women on dating sites

From Bellybuttonporn

Ladies, why are you so dumb?

Your Screen Name

1. If you are fat, don't put "beautiful" or "sexy" in your screen name. Saying so doesn't make it so, sorry.
2. Don't make your screen name an allusion to the fact that you've got lots of kids.

Pictures

1. Have a picture of your face unobscured by huge glasses, holding your cat up, or anything.
2. If you're ridiculously obese, you are allowed to skip the body shot, otherwise pony up. However, if you're one of those girls with a skinny face and a big fat ass, then you are specifically required to have a full body picture.
3. Photoshop - just say no. Only ugly chicks photoshop their pics.
4. Same goes for forced perspective. A normally-framed picture of your face or body is great. A picture looking up your nose is gross. A picture where I can't even see your face because you decided to take a picture of your ear and cheek is just silly.
5. Pet pics are bad, especially if you're holding them in front of your face. No one wants to see your ugly cat.
6. If you're fat, don't have a picture of yourself reclining or laying on anything. It makes you look fatter.
7. Don't take a close-up of your eyes. Everyone's eyes look nice, so a closeup doesn't say anything. In fact, in a close-up, eyes are pretty gross. If you have a close-up of your eyes it means one thing: The rest of your face is too ugly to see.
8. Body parts. Pics of your tits and ass are fine, I guess, as long as there's a picture of your face too. A picture of your thigh, though, is just like...well, what the hell? It's just a thigh. When I'm thinking "Mmmmm thighs..." I'm thinking KFC.
9. Pictures of you in the dark might as well not even be pictures. Don't bother.
10. Children. Don't put any pictures of your children in your photos. I'm going to catch some flak for this, but the vast majority of guys can deal with kids, but all other things being equal will probably just skip your profile entirely.
11. Children, part 2. And for Christ's sake, don't put any pictures of your nieces, nephews, kids you babysit, or any other kid that isn't yours online. Why shoot yourself in the foot for the sake of someone else's kids?

Profiles

1. Everyone likes to have fun. Be more specific.
2. You're just an average girl? Oh ok, well I'll just skip your profile and find someone unique. Cut the cliches.
3. You're a wild and crazy girl? Wearing non-matching socks while you watch Gilmore Girls doesn't make you wild and crazy. I've met some wild and crazy women, and you're not one of them.
4. You're a bitch? So why should I bother?