Matt writes:

Dear Keith,

what did you put in Blaine's computer and how awesome is it? be as specific as possible.

Sure, here you go:

Blaine's Computer.

I'd say it's pretty awesome, given the cost. It certainly runs WOW well. If I were Blaine I'd ditch his nasty monitor and get a nice big flat-panel, but that's up to him. -Keith

Ask Keith/Computers

You see people getting engaged after days, weeks, months, years, and in some cases decades after they started dating. (Brought you by these two posts at st.)

Keith,

I have had several experiences of meeting people in person, later finding their online identity. I often find that they are total douchebags online while they are very good people in RL. Why is this?

-Homestar

Ese writes:

Dear Keith,

Why do girls lie and say penis size doesn't matter? And then when they get a guy with a small penis go and tell all their friends about it? And why is it when they get a guy with a big penis they complain that it "hurts" and they won't let you do anal? Why??? It seems like penis size does matter!

Well, I'm not a girl, but I'll do my best. Here goes.

If you asked most women, they'd say that penis size doesn't matter. And really, it doesn't. However, there are some exceptions to any rule. Sure there's some size queens out there.

I think what you're describing is a power issue. The easiest way for a woman to have some measure of power over a guy is to make fun of his junk. In the heat of an argument sometimes people say things to hurt the other person, whether true or not. Pretty much every single woman thinks she has a fat ass; so regardless of how fat her ass is you can always say she has a big fat cottage cheese ass to make her feel bad. Same with guys and their penises.

It might not even be an intentional thing; it seems to me that some women don't really understand that men do have feelings and are really truly worried about their penises. They talk about it because to them it's not really a big deal (no pun intended).

So in summary, I have no idea. But thanks for the question! -Keith

Ask Keith/Relationships

Zeppelin writes:

What is the proper amount to tip on a $15 haircut?

You're a guy, so your haircut won't require as much work as a woman's hair. Women get huge elaborate hairstyles, dyes, washes, and a bunch of other stuff, which justifies their expense.

But the haircut is cheaper anyhow.

There's two basic schools of thought on tipping.

Tipping is for unskilled jobs

Tipping is generally reserved for the kinds of unskilled jobs that anyone can get. Waitstaff, valet parking, etc. However, hairstylists are skilled labor. They go to a vocational school to learn how to cut hair and other services. By this paradigm, no hairstylist deserves a tip.

However, this doesn't really explain all of tipping. Fast food employees typically are not tipped, regardless of the fact that they are unskilled and work very hard.

Tipping is for personal service

On the other hand, some believe you tip people based on personal service. It was once explained to me that "You tip anybody that has to touch you, or anything that goes into you". That seems to match with my experience; we tip waitstaff, (maybe hairdressers), and tattoo artists. However, we don't tip doctors. We also do tip cab drivers and valet parking.

Obviously some exceptions exist to any rule. Doctors, for example, make plenty of money and also charge plenty of money for their service; a tip would be totally unneeded.

I think that rather than personal service, a good rule of thumb is "You tip anyone who can personally fuck your day up".

Big tip? Low tip? No tip at all?

Let's not operate under false pretenses: Cutting a typical man's hair (a $15 cut) is a walk in the park for a hairstylist. Even if the stylist makes your hair look the best it's ever looked, it still wasn't that hard for him or her.

So a big tip is right out.

No tip would be insulting, I guess. Same deal with a tiny tip.

So here we go, using standard tip math, a 15% tip on a $15 cut would be $2.25. However, since the job is rather easy and fishing around for a quarter in your pocket for a tip is rather silly, an acceptable tip is $2.

Thanks for the question! -keith

Ask Keith/Money

There's two main ideas here as far as teleportation goes:

• Some kind of fold/warp of spacetime where you step into one "end" of the fold/warp and step out of the other "end" somewhere else.
• A method for deconstructing a person, sending the information elsewhere, and reconstructing the person at the remote location. (Star Trek-style)

This question stemmed from this conversation on Strangetalk, so I will focus on the second idea after briefly discussing the first.

Warp Pipes

Yes and no. According to general relativity several weird things are possible with spacetime. Stretching and compression of spacetime are well-known and proven. Wormholes, if they exist, would probably be too small and too short-lived for any practical use. Quantum Mechanics allows for particles to appear and disappear all the damn time, to experience reverse causality, and "spooky action at a distance". I'm not really a QM expert, but I'm sure you could devise some degenerate situation where you could teleport something.

Star Trek Transporters

Ok so here's the plan: We disassemble you atom-by-atom and store that information, then reconstruct you exactly as you are elsewhere.

There's plenty of philosophical issues here:

1. Is the person reconstructed "you", or merely a copy leaving you dead?
2. What does identity mean?

At first blush one might think that such a system would be a mere copy. However, there's several reasons to think otherwise. First, the atoms making up objects are not static. And second, our idea of "self" is not intrinsically tied to the make-up of our bodies.

Molecules, atoms, and particles all move around quite a bit. This is especially pronounced in biological organisms, which by the very nature of being alive take in external material and release external material.

The Leaky Ship

Thought experiment: Spain sent a ship to the new world, but it never arrived. It was destroyed in a storm. You are sent to find out if there are any survivors. Upon departing Spain you discover that your ship has a horrible termite infestation. However, you are in luck. Each time the termites eat a board on your ship you find a piece of driftwood from the wreckage of the first ship and use it to patch up the hole. You continue in this manner all the way across the Atlantic Ocean, replacing every board on your ship on your way to the new world.

When you replace the first board on the ship, are you still riding on the same ship?

What about when you replace the second board? Same ship still, right?

At what point does it become a different ship? Does it?

Suppose you were a passenger on the ship, and the crew always replaced the parts when you were asleep. You'd arrive in the Americas thinking nothing changed. Would you be right? Why or why not?

I argue that each time you change the composition of the ship, that becomes the new ship. The ship isn't defined by the boards; it's how they're put together, what it's used for, etc. Ultimately, identity is a mental construct that we project onto parts of the universe.

People operate the same way. The food we eat becomes part of our bodies. The wastes we excrete were formerly part of us. We are not different people from moment to moment, so there must be some metaphysical capacity for continued identity. I think that capacity is simple due to the fact that, again, identity is a mental construct used to explain the universe.

More Later!

Ask Keith/Work in Progress

Blair asks:

What is your opinion on someone who betrays a confidence? Say for instance someone tells you something very personal and private, and specfically asks you not to share it, and then you turn around and spreads it in a quite public manner. I know the average decent human being wouldn't do that, but I worry and would like to know how to respond in the future should I again run into someone else heartless enough to violate a person's trust.

(Backstory: Blair was at a bus stop in downtown ames and was accosted by a mentally handicapped person. She posted a thread on Strangetalk about the incident, but declined to say what the guy actually did, or even to give a description of him that didn't match about 49% of the population. I found out what happened [a mentally handicapped person hugged her], and publicly berated her for her intolerance. Oh, also she's dating a douchebag eugenicist.)

Seriously, I can't believe you're bent out of shape about that. You spend all day hanging out with a retard. You hug him, kiss him, hell, you even let him fuck you. What's an extra hug from a well-meaning tard at a bus stop? Hell, I bet the random huggy tard thought you are hot, as opposed to the nazitard you're engaged to, who merely tolerates your obesity.

Not a very good question, but absent others, I answered it anyhow. -Keith

Ask Keith/Drama

Dragmire asks:

Why do you take so long to answer questions?

Well, there's several reasons. First, I might be busy. Yeah, shit happens. Second, you've probably asked something that requires a lot of thought, research, or both. In other words, it'll take me a little bit of time to finally answer the teleportation question once and for all.

I don't want this forum to be a "stump Keith" forum where people throw out lame questions just to try to prove they're smarter than I am. On the same token, I don't want to just give people a snappy 1-liner reply that doesn't just answer the question. I want this to be interesting and entertaining.

Thanks for your question! -Keith

Ask Keith/Meta

Dr. Jan Itor asks:

Who's you favorite little rascal? Please support your answer

Ok, you got me. I didn't know a thing about the Little Rascals, so I did some research on Wikipedia. The show was called Our Gang, and then was also called the Little Rascals. There were actually over 40 kids who were on the show, so it's hard to pick. Another interesting fact was that Our Gang was the first TV show to depict blacks and whites together on equal stature.

It was criticized, though, by many blacks for its steriotypical display of blacks; they were always eating watermelon and chicken. Several Our Gang actors defended the show, pointing out that most every kid on the show was a steriotype of some sort.

I'd say my favorite was Stymie (look him up) for 2 reasons.

1. Later in life he'd become a defender of Our Gang by adopting a no-nonsense outlook on racism devoid of the standard rhetoric.
2. That hat is mega-pimp. I bet he got all the tail.

Thanks for the question! -Keith

Ask Keith/Pop Culture

Blair asks:

Is this supposed to be funny-answers? Like jokes about lasting 3 seconds and what not?

If it is supposed to be serious, what do you think makes you qualified?

Oh I'll make fun of someone if the question warrants it. But no. Lame questions will not be answered, and lame answers will not be given.

To answer your second question: I'm pretty smart.

Also, I will accept questions on just about any topic. I posted an announcement on Strangetalk because the relationships forum is often a very question-answer oriented discussion.

Thanks for the question! -Keith

Ask Keith/Meta