Of cities and suburbs
From Bellybuttonporn
I went for a walk to clear my mind. It worked too well. I didn't really think about anything at all while I was out there, so my problems were waiting for me when I got home an hour later.
Had a big stupid fight with a few hundred miles away girl. It really felt like she was pushing my buttons. Through the entire thing I just felt so helpless. It felt like she was pushing my buttons and that's what made me so angry. Not what she was saying, but the fact that it felt like she was trying to anger me. I wanted nothing more than to not be arguing, but there I went. I felt so bad about it. It's been a long time since I've really gotten angry about something so inconsequential. it's been a long time since I've gotten angry at anyone worth feeling bad about. This whole thing is so frustrating. So very frustrating. I just want everything to work out as best it can. I feel so bad for making her unhappy.
On a lark I asked one of the girls I met at my sister's wedding out for a dinner thing this week, no big deal. Apparently she's too busy. That's cool. It wasn't a big deal. At least I didn't get the pocket veto.
Oh, and few hundred miles away girl told me something very unsettling while I was at work earlier today. So much so, in fact, that I must mentally run away from the topic without looking back on pain of my mind being turned into a pillar of salt. Salt flavored like every single negative emotion I can experience. My mind fills with a red static. I want to hurt things. It's all in there, all at once. And salt.
